CHIKARA – “It’s How You Play The Game” Live Report~!

That’s right, I’m doing a straight up show report! I promise not to break into a short story about rabbits or something!

This was CHIKARA’s second show in Canada, the first being the night before in Vaughn. One of the cool things that I wasn’t really aware of is that they actually have a guy who explains the storylines to people. So say you missed two months of shows, or maybe this is your first show and you want to know why there’s a guy named Hallowicked with a pumpkin stem on his head who only speaks in gibberish. There’s a dude to tell you why! Anyway, he briefly runs down the bullet points of the season before giving way to Gavin Loudspeaker.

Gavin Loudspeaker Sings!

Well, god bless him for performing music for wrestling crowds. I’ve been to a lot of the shows here and the Ottawa audience is…colourful and a bit harsh. But his rendition of The Proclaimers’ “I’m Gonna Be” aka 500 Miles featuring CHIKARA lyrics was charming. Up until he forgot the words. Luckily, everybody was content to echo the “DA NA NA NA” part over and over again. A for Effort!

“Speedball” Mike Bailey vs. Mathieu St. Jacques

This was a showcase for two local guys. St. Jacques kind of looks like Andrei Arlovski, Bailey kind of looks like a 14 year old. I’ve seen both guys many times and I’m surprised that Bailey hasn’t really caught on at the next level of indy wrestling yet as he is an excellent flyer. Plus he works an honest to goodness martial artist gimmick, not another MMA guy. They had a good, but short match, with Bailey countering a crossbody by catching him and doing a full backflip into a slam for the win. If Tojo Yammamoto were still around, you could stick Bailey with him as a protégé and I think he’d probably be a champion somewhere.

Jigsaw vs. Mr. Touchdown

Unfortunately, Mike Quackenbush broke his wrist (They said it was something far more medical than that, but the jist is…) and couldn’t wrestle. So what was formerly a tag match of Quack/Jig vs. The Throwbacks became this singles match. Touchdown was in actual full football gear, which gave way to Jigsaw stealing his football and having a toss around with the crowd while the ref helped him undo his pads. The match itself was really good, with Touchdown having some fun football spots, like the old three point stance, and a run-in-place then drop body splash ala football drills. Jigsaw hit his really great footstomp on a charging opponent which I’m always super-impressed with. Archibald Peck’s girlfriend/colour guard Veronica came out making googly eyes at Touchdown. Jigsaw questioned her taste and gave a Ravishing Rick Rude hip swivel. “Even Barber is better than him! Show her!” and the ref gave her one as well. This was enough distraction for Touchdown to hit a HUGE spinebuster for the win. Really good match, but maybe they should consider some pads that are easier to remove.



Sara Del Rey vs. Leah VonDutch

There’s really not much to say about this match. Leah got a boot up, a clothesline and a bulldog on Sara. That was the entirety of her offense. The other two and a half minutes were Sara kicking her and hitting the Royal Butterfly for the win. Was s’alright. I expected to see a bit more from the local girl, though.

Dasher Hatfield vs. Ophidian

My life-long dream of being in a Dasher huddle finally came true! The match was a lot of fun. Ophidian has collected the masks of his former Osirian Portal members and wears them as a necklace now. They talk to him, and he yells at them during the match. This was half comedy, half wrestling, which they both do extremely well. For all the comedy that Dasher is known for as part of the Throwbacks, he’s really tremendous just putting on a match as well. The underhand-pitch chops are a nice touch.



At one point, Dasher took Ophidian to the outside and sat him in a chair close to me, then proceeded to pile on the largest guys (and at a wrestling show, there’s some LARGE guys) in the front row on top of him. All the while, Ophidian is screaming! In the end though, Ophidian locked in his Cobra Clutch for the tap out. I think this was the best wrestling match I’ve seen Dasher in yet.

Team 3.0le (Scott Parker, Shane Matthews and El Generico) vs. The Batiri



3.0 picked up the CHIKARA tag titles (Campeonatos de Parejas) the night before in Vaughn, so they got a hero’s welcome in Ottawa, where they are on nearly every local show. I think the new tights were a dead giveaway they had won the titles. Sitting in the front row, it was pretty easy to see that Matthews seemed to have hurt his knee pretty bad during the intro. Parker and Generico worked the majority of the match. But Matthews hit his HEADSCISSORS~! and locked in the Boston Crab on Kobald for the win.

The Spectral Envoy (Hallowicked and Ultramantis Black) vs. 17 and the Shard

This match had a lot going on, to say the least. Tim Donst was doing commentary on the stage, after the Envoy’s entrance, 17 and the Shard came out from the crowd and attacked from behind.



The Shard has some decent attire, kind of like Jigsaw but with ‘glass shards’. That’s cool, however 17 is rocking a full on lucha outfit that made no mention of the number 17 anywhere. I assume this will be explained in time! This was mostly a brawl. Delirious was walking behind the crowd watching. Ultramantis freed him from the control of the BDK using the Eye of Tyr before the beginning of the season. However, it seems that it hasn’t made him his old self as they thought it would. So, with Delirious outside the ring, Donst left the announce booth and stole the Young Lion’s Cup which Hallowicked had brought with him. Mantis chased after, leaving Hallowicked alone. He ate a superkick which led to the pin. Then, post-match, Ophidian returned spitting mist in Mantis’ eyes and leaving with his staff. Like I said, a lot of angles going on during this match!

Archibald Peck vs. Chuck Taylor

This was the absolute highlight of the night for me. As noted earlier, Peck’s girlfriend Veronica has left him, seemingly for that jock Mr. Touchdown. Peck entered heartbroken, he marched half-heartedly and stepped up on to the mat, reaching down as he always does for Veronica only to realize she wasn’t there. Then as he climbed the ropes to do his trademark extended-fist post he realized the ceiling was too low. Finally, the bell rings and as they Taylor and Peck meet in the middle they go to tie up and Peck hugs him and cries on his shoulder.



This was all received by a chorus of “AWWW”’s from the crowd. Chuck allows him to win a Greco-roman knucklelock until he gets his swagger back, then cheats to take the advantage. Taylor does his stomps in the corner, then Archie does a mocking stomps in the corner as well. This leads to an angry Kentucky Gentleman walking up behind Peck, and Peck sensing the presence, then reaching back and feeling his face, cheek and hair…then he suddenly turns around and hits a Stone Cold Stunner, followed by a pose in all four corners!

Other highlights of the match include Taylor trying to drown him in a painting (Peck: “I can’t swim!”), a pose down in front of the murals on the wall, an unfortunate grenade accident, and the referee getting the best of Taylor. Please, for the love of whoever you worship, if you enjoy pro wrestling, watch this match.



The Colony vs. combatANT, assailANT and deviANT



This was another of the matches that was driving the season’s storyline forward. A wild brawl that went all over the place. For the uninformed, the Colony are Soldier Ant, Green Ant and Fire Ant. Their opponents are sort of the ‘alternate universe’ ants, in comic book terms. After watching a few of the YouTube videos I get sort of a “Dark Knight” vibe. They’re shot in a warehouse, sort of static-filled and shaky camera. They say they know who they are and intend to unmask them. I really like the heavy comic book influence of this season and maybe it’s the video game nerd in me but I enjoy the palette swapped ants as well.

This match was mostly contested outside of the ring. Lots of dives, postings and beat downs on the floor. They isolated Green Ant in the ring and tore his mask off, giving the Colony the DQ win but staying true to their word. I guess some ants just want to watch the world burn.




CHIKARA Grand Championship Match: Eddie Kingston vs. Brodie Lee

Good gravy. I’ve seen and heard some pretty rough stuff in wrestling, but I have never heard two guys hit each other as hard as these guys did. Brodie was recently signed to a WWE developmental deal and the crowd seemed plenty aware and there was some banter, including Brodie telling Quack at the announce table he was taking his belt to Stamford. They really lit in to each other with the chops and punches, the crowd was cringing the entire way.



Brodie hit a top rope Butterfly Suplex and a Ligerbomb each of which testing the mettle of the brand new ring. Kingston hit his Backdrop Driver for a close two count. After two Backfists to the Future, Eddie hit the Sliding D to the back of Brodie’s head for the fall. Both guys were down for some time after. Brodie received a huge ovation, and a long “Thank you, Brodie” chant, as he’s been at countless shows in Ottawa and made quite the name for himself. It was a heck of an ending to a heck of a show.

After the show was over, just about the entire roster was out walking around and interacting with people. Mike Quackenbush was at the door shaking hands with everyone who walked by, thanking them for coming to the show. I know that CHIKARA isn’t the biggest promotion in the world, but I think they really get that, to grow nowadays you really have to make the people a part of it. Hey, this blog features a lot of Memphis Wrestling, right? Well, this is a pretty apt comparison. A small crowd in a small arena, where the fans are right there and everything is interactive. It has that same atmosphere, just a little nerdier to account for the nerdier age we live in.

If CHIKARA comes within driving distance of you, it is worth it to go see it. Simply, it’s the most fun I’ve ever had at a wrestling event.

Randy Savage vs. Jerry Lawler - Steel Cage Match 12/12/83

I've never been much of a car guy, but a lot of people use car metaphors to describe men or women of stature. The Cadillac of Men, or something along those lines. I'm sure there's more in-depth ones than that, comparing the radiator on a Chevy to the guts of Charles Bronson or something. That's not me, I know cows, not cars. But Jerry Lawler was that car that always got there. It might sputter and spit as it goes over hills, but it always gets to where it's going. It defies its inner-workings and makes mechanics scratch their heads. It's not as pretty as a lot of cars and it's not as fast, but on sheer will it gets the job done.

I tell you all that to tell you this. Randy Savage is a space ship. People wander in to wrestling and see these line-ups of fine automobiles, they take in the craftsmanship and structure, and then they come to the end of this line up of vehicles and there's a big ass shuttle making everyone's eyes widen and say "What the fuck!?". Someone can try to explain to you the intricacies of space travel, the dynamics of leaving an atmosphere and the pageantry of lift-off and no matter how much time you spend trying to understand it is completely beyond your comprehension how it works*.

Lawler and Savage were long-time rivals in the mid-south states. There was a lot of bad blood between the two of them for many years as Lawler was at the forefront of the various Memphis incantations while Savage was running the rival ICW. This was, essentially, an invasion angle. Everybody knew both these guys from the local scene, and both were at the top of their games. To have Savage show up unexpectedly in the small Memphis studio was crazy. With it being Savage, crazy is putting it a little mildly.



The match was set. Savage vs. Lawler inside a steel cage for the Southern Heavyweight Title. Lawler in trunks, Savage in a tiger-striped cape. Savage's warm up is taking jabs at members of the audience through the cage and shouting that "EVERYBODY DIES WHEN I'M DONE, YOU KNOW THAT!". The cage I mentioned is some planks of wood tied together with fencing in between, as sturdy as a reality television show relationship.



Lawler has the upper hand in the beginning of the match, backing Savage into the corner repeatedly and delivering huge body shots followed by a big right to the jaw. Savage exploits Lawler's angle by spitting on him, then getting the upper-hand with a punch out of a headlock. He wears him down with a headlock until the first use of the cage occurs, with Lawler pushing Savage off into the wobbly beams in the middle. Savage, ducks out and starts digging in his tights for something. Savage wrenches in an armbar and takes this moment of rest to inform the crowd, once again "EVERYBODY DIES!". The commentator, Lance Russell says "Savage is just the kind of wild-looking son of a gun you might expect somethin' like that out of".

Savage controls the next little bit, using a foreign object from his tights while in the corner. When the fight goes outside, we get an early top rope axe handle to the floor from Savage. They've improved leaps and bounds since '83, as one would expect of space travel.



Savage manages, somehow, to climb the rickety cage and leap off for his elbow drop. Disaster follows as the first crash of Savage 83 occurs.



Lawler has no pity for him and tries to hit the dreaded (and very much illegal at the time) Piledriver, but the ref absolutely won't allow it, holding Savage's body to prevent him from being lifted, which once again gives Savage the advantage and leads to yet more atmospheric travel as Savage puts about 20 rotations into an airplance spin on Lawler.




As both stumble aimlessly after all those twists, Lawler lands a falling right uppercut that puts both of them on their back. Lawler tries to climb the top of the cage too, but flying cars are still decades away, so he sticks to the ropes.





Savage brutalizes Lawler on the outside, face to cage until finally, the strap comes down.



As Lawler begins to get the best of Savage, the giant French-Canadian Jos LeDuc climbs the cage to beat down Lawler and that's grounds for the disqualification. I know, a disqualification in a cage match sounds unsatisfying, but it was a really fun brawl.

In terms of modern technology, the best, most dependable guy in wrestling was Jerry Lawler and he helped ground all the crazy of Savage and keep it a fun Memphis brawl. Lawler was the working man, Savage was the astronaut. Spaceships were meant to fly.