The Heart of the Ox

Ox Baker killed a man in the ring.  Ox Baker killed TWO men in the ring.  Ox Baker had a technique:  The Heart Punch.  The move was known before, but no man had used it so viciously.  No man had had the punching power to not just strike the ivory shield we humans have guarding our chests but to compress and break and dig into the center of our circulatory being and hurt places that aren't meant to be hurt.

This is a professional wrestling blog, so of course, you should take anything and everything with a grain of salt.  There's no denying this fact, though:  Two men died shortly after matches with Baker.  The cause of death, as attributed by carnival-bred promoters and ticket takers everywhere, was the vicious Heart Punch of Ox Baker.  And if you saw him, you'd believe it. 

There may not have been a man who looked more evil than Ox Baker.  He's big, he's ugly, his eyebrows arch like devils horns while his trademark mustache descended to his chest.  He's the perfect bad guy, and before anyone could tell one truth from the other, the public only knew of a man capable of killing someone with his punch; a detestable man was born. 

It may be hard for some people to imagine that a legend could go this far, or that anyone would believe a wrestler would really hurt someone he's in the ring with.  I am here to tell you that people feared Ox Baker, but even more than they feared him, they HATED him.  They hated him because they believed he was a killer.  Whole-heartedly.  With no irony.  They believe he had killed and that it had been licensed because it was 'sport'.  So, what happens when he comes to your town?  And he not only uses the dreaded heart punch, but uses it repeatedly?  The people of Cleveland in 1974 wouldn't stand for it.

When I tell you all of this, I'm telling you about the beauty of Professional Wrestling and why I always write about it with such wonder.  Because all of this betrayed the gentle heart of the real Ox.  The real Ox was a sweet man who took care of dogs.  He was soft spoken, and a game show contestant.  You can easily tell the true intentions of a man by how he interacts with Bob Barker.

He was a character, through and through.  And that he was able to make so many people hate him, and that he would not wither from that attention is amazing to me.  I think if people thought Anthony Hopkins really was Hannibal Lecter and showed up to his theatre performances with switchblades, he probably would take out full paper ads and commercial time to stress the point that he has never eaten anyone's liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti. 

Ox died, ironically, from a heart attack.  As he grew older, he still had the mustache and still had the eyebrows.  And still had the iron-on home-made shirts telling people to hate him.  Because wrestling is the kind of stage play you don't get to step down from easily.  You're only sweet when you're gone.

Believe Whatever You Like

Wrestling is unique.  I guess that might be putting it kind of lightly.  It definitely creates some unique characters.  You could argue that, in recent years, the average wrestler is a lot more civil and lacking the ‘larger than life’ personality of former years.  Daniel Bryan, the champion of current WWE, has based his entire campaign around being just like every person in the audience. 

The 80’s are known for excess, and nothing was more excessive than the WWF of those days.  Enormous men, extravagant celebrity-filled events, and ranting and raving so insane that it could perhaps have doubled around into genius; scholars are still deciphering.  It all seemed so other-worldly that, to a lot of children, it was nearly untouchable.  Which is why everyone wanted to touch it.

Growing up, I was always a Hogan kid.  Hogan was a man on the precipice of sanity.  He would widen his eyes and tell you faerie tales about slamming giants so hard that earthquakes destroy everyone except the Hulkamaniacs.  If Hogan was on that precipice, the Ultimate Warrior was driving a rocket ship right off of it.

The argument could be made that no human being could possibly know what Warrior was talking about except for Warrior.  Certainly, no children were sitting on their living room floor, nodding along to his points.  The mystery and the intensity were the appeal; the man’s clear insanity was amazing and confusing and enticing.  It was cool. 

We are no longer in the 80’s though.  The year 2000 has come and gone, heck even 2010 is gone!  The thing about acting insane now is that people can really tell if you’re insane or not.  Characters cannot strictly be characters, they are extensions of a regular human being.  Hulk Hogan is no longer the immortal Hulk Hogan, riding motorcycles and playing guitar, and headbutting the Russian flag.  He’s Hulk Hogan the dad, the actor, the jerk(?).  These are not my feelings on him, he’s been called many things by many people.  Heck, his whole 'life' was on display in a reality show.  His life, like all of our heroes has been opened up by this new age.  The Ultimate Warrior was also victim to this for many fans.

The fact that WWE put out an entire DVD mocking him should tell you a bit about either A) who he was or B) who he worked for or with.  For me, a lot of his post-wrestling antics were difficult to come to terms with.  There’s his famous ‘queerin’ don’t make the world go ‘round’ quote, for example.  I knew the man’s politics!  It wasn’t even on purpose, it’s just that everything is reported.  He also changed his name TO Warrior.  My prognosis?  The guy was just nuts.

When I heard he was being inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame, I and many other people thought “Here we go!  Crazy guy with a microphone!”.  I watched his speech and I was saddened a bit, not because he was quite sane and reasonable, which he was.  I was sad because a lot of his speech was arguing “Hey, I wasn’t really a bad guy!”.  And when he was talking, he didn’t seem like a bad guy. 

Do I think it’s a bit weird that his daughter was named Dakota North Warrior?  A bit, yeah.  I realize that, a lot of that crazy isn’t crazy as much as it is a very ADAMANT commitment to self-confidence.  He believed in himself.  A lot.  Some people find that to be egotistical, some people find it inspiring.  It was Warrior, though.  It’s what he is, and nowadays, you can judge a person (and moreso a celebrity) with a level of completeness you never could before.  Maybe this means you’ll hate more people, maybe it means you’ll be more accepting of their faults. 

Regardless of the ‘dirt’, I was happy to see a man who was thankful.  He seemed genuinely hurt by what had been said of him.  It was good to see him talking with the current generation and making amends with those people who tore him down.  He is a lucky man.  Many men like himself have died before their time and without any pomp.  His last minutes were in front of a crowd screaming for him, and he was screaming back.

Kodo Fuyuki Tribute - Shinya Hashimoto vs. Kintaro Kanemura - May 5th, 2003

Shinya Hashimoto at Fuyuki's tribute show

Grieving the dead is a part of life.  And it's not even something our souped-up monkey brains wrenched out of the floating nether; regular monkey brains did it.   Elephants will go so far as to cover their fallen allies and return to the bones years after the fact.  It is within the essence of being, to grieve.   And unless somebody can figure out how to stop cell division, we're all gonna get there soon enough. 

The molecular level of grief isn't so much what I'm worried about, since this isn't a science blog (though it's the next best thing).  We're human beings with benefits from evolution that elephants haven't gotten.  Complex feelings, opposable thumbs and ovens to cook our food in.  We communicate and we share moments and we hoard trinkets from friends and loved ones to remember moments in time.  We watch baseball games together, we go shopping together and  we build bridges to bring ourselves to each of these people that we share with.  You might say 'Of course we would grieve, because it just makes sense'. 

We have all this sophisticated architecture getting us around, from person to person; and when it burns to the ground, we grieve just like a monkey, just like an elephant. 

I needed to preface this because I think it might be silly out of context.  And you know, it very well may be.  I think wrestling should always be viewed with a nudge and a smile, because it's just a show.  I also feel that it can give you powerful joy, sorrow or mirth just like any kind of fine art can.  All this brings me to Kodo Fuyuki.

Fuyuki (right) with Kintaro Kanemura

Fuyuki began wrestling in 1980.  His first big break was in All Japan Pro Wrestling, one of the two most reputable Japanese companies, as a tag team wrestler.  With his partner Toshiaki Kawada, he formed the team of Footloose (and yes, they came out to Footloose) where they were 3 times tag team champions.  When he left All Japan, he eventually started in what would be called a 'hardcore' wrestling organization.  Wrestling in barbed wire matches, glass matches think of some weird, sharp stuff to hit yourself with and that's what they'd hit each other with.  People have varying views on this style, among fans and among the other organizations in Japan, but it's what he did and since he did it, we can only assume it was what he loved. 

He opened up his own organization in 2002, after 5 years of the aforementioned hardcore wrestling.  Shortly after that he announced he had cancer.  Despite this, he had planned one big match.  His opponent would be Shinya Hashimoto.  Hashimoto was the ace for New Japan Pro Wrestling during one of its largest boom periods.  Before that match could ever happen, Fuyuki died of cancer.

Hashimoto kept his booking.  Instead of wrestling Fuyuki in one last match, he faced Kintaro Kanemura, a long time friend and stable-mate of Fuyuki in "Team NO RESPECT".  The match was a No Rope Barbed Wire Explosion match.  Something very out of character for Shinya Hashimoto to do, which speaks volumes of what he must have thought of Fuyuki. 

When you care about someone truly, it is a very primitive thing.  Like grief.  When someone that close to you dies, you try to honour them the best way you know how.  Hashimoto brings the ashes of Kodo Fuyuki into the ring, holds them up before the crowd and throws himself into the exploding barbed wire.

I bet Fuyuki got a kick out of that.  The match itself is brief and brutal.  It's a powerful eulogy. 

I know this was a serious piece of writing, and I smile typing this line because I know it, but stuff like this is why I love pro wrestling.  At its best, it can make you feel those emotions.  Like an elephant visiting the bones of its father, or a man grieving a friend.

Fuck you, I'm grieving!

Ottawa's Wrestling Community Picks up the Cancer Fight

It may sound a little odd, but on Friday, August 17^th, Tudor Hall will have a bevy of professional wrestlers and scores of raucous fans all fighting in the name of one ‘homeless guy’.  Phrank Morin, known to wrestling fans as Stinky the Homeless Guy, was beloved by fans and his friends in the wrestling world.  He would walk to the ring in torn up t-shirts with a taped up shoe and his trademark hat all to the tune of ‘Maybe Tomorrow’, the theme of the Littlest Hobo.  Over several years, his often-touted smile and unique humour was a fixture in Ottawa and Quebec as well as the Northeast United States, where he fought in Lego Weapons Matches and became a champion after finding a title belt while digging in the trash. 

It was with little warning that Phrank’s career was cut short when in December of 2010 it was discovered he had cancer.  The next month during his first cycle of chemotherapy it was found that the cancer was terminal.  He was told he had one year to live.

One of his good friends in the wrestling business was Ottawa C*4 Promoter Mark Pollesel, who after hearing the news, wrote the Canadian Cancer Society about putting on an event for Phrank.   Over the next several months, Mark and his crew held countless fundraisers at his own shows.  They sold cupcakes and t-shirts, they shaved heads; whatever they could do to put the show together, they did it. 

“Basically everybody who had known Phrank from promoters to wrestlers to fans all stepped up and helped us raise the money.  It's our little community, indy pro wrestling, coming together and trying to make a difference.”

As they continued to raise money for the big event, Phrank’s sickness was growing as well.  Soon, one year became only three months.  On April 1^st, 2011, Phrank passed away.  It was a huge blow to all those who had been hoping to put the event together and have Phrank attend.  The decision was made to go ahead with the show, and put it on in his memory instead.  

The very first Fighting Back saw nearly 400 people come to Tudor Hall, among them Phrank’s mother, sister and girlfriend.  It was a night filled with great emotion and tremendous success as well.  The ‘little community’ raised over 10,000 dollars for the Canadian Cancer Society.  At the end of the night, everyone left with a smile on their face and quite a few wiping away tears.

This year, Mark is hoping for even more success.  Former Wrestlemania headliner Bobby Lashley will appear, Harry Smith, a member of Canada’s own famous Hart Family, and Jay Lethal of TNA Wrestling.

“If you’re a wrestling fan, you'll be in for a treat.  You'll see guys who you've seen on TV like Lashley and Smith, working without the limitations of commercial breaks and TV time.  If you're not a wrestling fan, you can show up, donate $20 straight to the Canadian Cancer Society with a General Admission Ticket purchase, lower your inhibitions, and just have fun for a couple of hours.”

Emotions will undoubtedly be running high as his fellow wrestlers take to the ring on August 17^th to put on a show for their fallen friend.  The event isn’t about someone who died though, but about celebrating the person this community loved and his unwavering spirit.

“Much like Phrank and his attitude all the way through his sickness, this is going to be a positive night.”

Fighting Back 2:  Wrestling With Cancer will be held at Tudor Hall (3750 North Bowesville Road in Ottawa).  Tickets can be purchased at VERTIGO Records (193 Rideau St. in Ottawa).  All money from ticket sales will be donated to the Canadian Cancer Society in memory of Phrank Morin.

Bill Dundee, Jeff Jarrett & Jimmy Valiant vs. Robert Fuller, Jimmy Golden & Tommy Rich - AWA - September 17th, 1988

 I was having myself a shave and thinking about all the regular life crap that I have to do tomorrow, going to work as a simple example, and I was having a hard time being very confident about any of it.  You know, you have yourself, which is the active you; the person who goes and talks to people and is the physical embodiment of your being but then there's also your perception, which is what shapes you.  I think anyone that can actually write the last couple of sentences I've written probably is starting out with a disadvantage. 

Not Pictured:  His normally enormous beard.

So there I was thinking to myself how am I going to get through this next day and kind of feeling as though I wasn't all that great of a person.  It's safe now to ask, what does this have to do with wrestling?  On the surface this seems maybe a bit more suited for some personal introspection or maybe a therapist or something, but I find when I feel down I turn to the Boogie Woogie Man.

This past Monday was Jimmy Valiant's birthday and I thought that it would only be fitting if I worked him in to my mini-project here.  There are some guys who just are exactly what they are.  In Buddhism, it would essentially be zen.  A state of being without thought to being.  Just doing what you do.  That's truly mastering yourself as a person.  And if you get "Come to Papa" tattooed across your stomach, I would guess you don't give a fuck about the perceptions of others. 

 On one side of the ring you have the Stud Stable consisting of Robert Fuller, Jimmy Golden and Tommy Rich along with Downtown Bruno and Miss Silvia.  If you were in a psych class or something, you might think of them as society.  Vain and judgemental.  On the other side is the Superstar Bill Dundee, a short Australian, Jeff Jarrett, with his bleached hair and of course, Jimmy Valiant.  Jarrett may seem sort of the odd man out, but under the tutelage of a Jimmy Valiant you're bound to hear a few jail stories and maybe some of it might get through to Jeff and he can give him a prison tattoo using some magnets and a guitar string.

Big Mama's Flowers

 Valiant is wearing his "Big Mamma's Flowers" shirt and clapping and stomping even though there is no music to be heard, but he knows there's music somewhere and maybe he can get something started.  Unfortunately, the match starts instead.  Jarrett is in there going move for move with Fuller until Golden comes in to break up a post-suplex pin.  Jarrett outsmarts them both and then cleans house with some dropkicks.  Boogie Woogie comes in for some celebratory butt bumps with his team.

Bring 'em back!

Fuller gets Dundee into the corner after the tag and throws some really cool looking punches before making the tag to Tommy Rich.  Dundee is in control with a lot of hip tosses and bodyslams before Rich cheats and pulls him by his hair to the other corner.  Dundee's too crafty to get caught up and scurries between Rich's legs for the hot tag to Valiant.  Valiant's version of a hot tag is a bit different than your average wrestler.  He picks up the ref and throws him down, proceeds to the other corner and hip thrusts at the two men on the outside, hip thrusts for an additional 30 seconds at the man who was already in the ring (and assumedly waiting to be punched in the face still) before finally blocking three punches and starting his big offensive push.  Jimmy gets whipped into the ropes, stomps the fingers of Downtown Bruno trying to cheat and then slides outside to make out with Miss Silvia.  THAT is how you make a comeback.

Valiant has long found a loophole in the law that after 15 sexual assaults you can no longer be charged.  MERCY!

 Verne Gagne on commentary speculates that if he were a beautiful lady he may not like to be kissed by Valiant.  If we were a more diverse community, this might have launched a thousand fanfics.  Valiant puts in all the offense he knows, the noggin knocker and punches before bringing Jarrett back in.  Tommy Rich hits a low blow and Jarrett's in trouble.  Golden comes in and gets suplexed.  Everybody comes in Jarrett gets a sleeper hold on Golden, Dundee puts the figure four on Fuller and in the corner Valiant is applying his submission finisher, a 3 minute eye rake on Rich.  The rest of the Stud Stable come in and it's a DQ win for Valiant and company.  Brickhouse Brown comes out to help and it's a party, just like Valiant loves.  Of course, after a party you have to clean house, and out goes the Stud Stable. 

I don't think too many wrestling enthusiasts would praise Valiant for his wrestling skill, but the man was what he was.  Even if you hated him, you couldn't ask for a more entertaining guy to stand on the outside for a tag match.  When you think too much about life, you start wondering why you're in it.  When you thrust your crotch at anyone and everyone, you remove all doubt.  Life's questions will answer themselves when you never stop hearing the music.  And Boogie Woogie Jimmy Valiant will just keep dancing until a party starts.

Thrust until you're finally free.

Keiji Mutoh, Hiroyoshi Tenzan & Satoshi Kojima vs. CHAOS (Toru Yano, Takashi Iizuka & Tomohiro Ishii) - 07/01/12 - NJPW/AJPW WE ARE PRO WRESTLING LOVE

I am only passively aware of current Japanese wrestling, but these are all guys I know pretty well or at least through King of Colosseum 2; Ishii I’m looking at you.  Iizuka has changed quite a bit.  He used to be all shoot kickpads and sleeper holds and now he is fucking NUTS, yanking people around in the crowd, dragging people by their collars.  Ishii looks exactly as I remember him, maybe a few more polygons, Yano is the same just without those bothersome eyebrows.  Iizuka grabs the tv announcer by the scruff of his neck and drags him over the announce tables and the guardrail and proceeds to pull all of his shirts off; far more shirts than one announcer needs.  Yano in the meantime yanks Yuji Nagata backwards at the announce table for trying to help or possibly jealous of his luscious eyebrows.

TenKoji comes out to their sweet mash-up theme.  I have no idea if this is a reunion for them or not.  I’m pretty sure Kojima has been in All Japan for most of the time.  Tenzan has probably been almost winning a lot of big stuff in New Japan before ultimately injuring himself.  Mutoh is the fucking manliest gay cowboy ever.  He still moves like the guy who jumps out at you at the haunted house, very controlled bursts of energy.  I guess 10,000 moonsaults will slow you down.  

He rode in on a horse named Fabulous.

 CHAOS gets the jump on our dream team and Yano grabs the mic and yells at the crowd for flaunting their eyebrows at him or something.  Kojima takes him back in the ring for some signature strikes.  Mutoh is still really fast for the split second where he drops the flashing elbow.  Iizuka CHEATS~! and hits Mutoh with the chair while simultaneously scaring the hell out of his former announcer victim.

Perhaps having a breakthrough with this immersion therapy, the announcer starts screaming “MUTOH GANBATTE!” at Iizuka as he keeps putting the boots to Mutoh.  Back inside Iizuka starts choking Mutoh with a rope.  Iizuka constantly looks like his head is about to explode.  He kind of works the same as I remember, except he replaced all his rest holds with underhanded tactics.  Yano comes in and starts apeing the Tenzan Mongolian Chops.  He does the Mutoh pose after the second one and Mutoh does this great sell of “Wait a second….that’s my po…ahh shit” as he takes the last chop. 

Heeeeey!

Mutoh makes the hot tag to Kojima who does the Kobashi endless chops in the corner and now I wonder what Kobashi is up to and if NOAH is still alive.  Another day. Kojima with the ‘Ichiyaro Bakayaro’ elbow.  Mutoh is in and hits 16 dropkicks to everyone’s knees and 10 dragon screws to get to our triple submission spot, Mutoh with the Figure Four, Tenzan with his Anaconda Vice and Kojima with his hammerlock sleeper thing that I vaguely remember as a Fire Pro D download move maybe? 

Ishii is left in the ring because he has the least interesting tights and takes a TenKoji Cutter followed by the original SHINING WIZARD~!  The ref is pulled out of the ring before the three though.  Iizuka has STEEL FINGERS!!!  I fucking love Iizuka.  Let’s go down the list,

              1)  Disregard for Human Life.  Check

              2)  Sweet ass skulls on his tights and knee pads.  Check

              3)    Steel Fingers to poke people with.  Double Check

But, as things do, it goes awry and he pokes Yano in his chest instead.  Iizuka eats a Shining Wizard and Ishii wanders in because it’s time for him to lose.  Get some caccodemons on your tights or something dude.  Lightning doesn’t cut it in 2012.  Lariato, Diving Headbutt, Moonsault.  This one’s over.

 

Mutoh still has the best moonsault.  It’s probably easier for him now that his kneecaps are dust.  The announcer is going nuts and throws his headset down in joy.  Mutoh wants him in the ring!  Iizuka eats an extra-curricular KojiCutter.  He’s tossed to the corner, Mutoh with the Shining Wizard and Pale Asian announcer with the Lariato.  The other announcer is losing his shit.  This was way better than any John Cena Make-A-Wish.  He’s back on commentary crying with joy, his incredibly small nipples still glistening from battle.

I need to see more 2012 Iizuka.

King of Trios 2011 - The BDK vs. the Colony

Anyone with an affinity for Independent Wrestling has probably seen last year's King of Trios by now.  It was shortly preceded by the death of Larry Sweney, and going in with that dark cloud hanging over it could've very well been a throwaway show and it would be understandable.  Instead, it was a phenomenal show.  The show was released the day after the event was over, and the huge buzz from the live crowd made it the best selling show in CHIKARA history.

It was also the birth of one of my favourite feuds, and for my money the best feud of the last year.  

 At the 2010 King of Trios, through nefarious means, the BDK (Then Claudio Castignoli, Ares and Tursas) defeated the Colony in the finals.  The Ants were out for revenge and they met a new BDK trio of Tim Donst, Jakob Hammermeier and Delirious (with Tursas on the outside). 

The BDK try to get the jump but get tossed to the side, Jakob is left behind to start a circle of clubberin' that everyone gets a ride on before it's over.

After they bail to the outside, the Colony follows up with an Ant-apault sending Fire Ant soaring after them.  Donst hits an STO on the inside to put the BDK back in the driver's seat.  In a tender moment, Donst teaches Jakob how to execute a suplex.  After moderate success with wrestling, Jakob gets back to his forte; choking FIre Ant first with his hands, then his vest and finally his tie.

Fire Ant turns things around in the corner and rolls out(exiting the ring is a tag in CHIKARA) bringing in Soldier Ant for a flying headbutt into the corner, followed by a dive to the outside on Delirious.  Back inside Donst gets cocky with a vertical suplex and Green Ant counters into a small package.  Green Ant then ducks a clotheline and rolls through into his Texas Cloverleaf, but it's broken up.

They have the requisite elbow for elbow spot, with the hilarious addition of Jakob trying to throw elbows like everybody else, but continually being blocked by Fire Ant each time.  The heels get the upper-hand and are about to hit the BDK finisher, the Ragnarok, but Fire Ant gets saved and it's countered into a double stunner.

With only Jakob left they hit the Ant Hill, but Donst makes the save at the last second.  Donst hits is Death Valley Driver, the Donstitution, for 2.  Fire Ant hits a top rope fireman's carry, Soldier Ant attempts the Saluting Flying Headbutt but misses followed by a HUGE flying splash from Delirious onto Soldier which clears the ring for Green Ant and Jakob.

The ref is distracted by Donst grabbing a chair, leading to Tursas coming in attempting to hit the big flying crossbody, which has been death for anybody hit with it, on a restrained Green Ant.  Ant ducks out of the way and it nails Jakob.  Then, harkening back to Yokozuna and Lex Luger on the USS Intrepid, Green Ant picks up the enormous Tursas and slams him!  This blew the roof off of the Arena.  Then, he hoists Jakob up in the rack for the submission win.  This put the Colony through to the semi-finals.

What's wonderful about CHIKARA is that they're not afraid to reach to the past, with the knowledge that a lot of their fans have been fans this entire time, and there's some strings to tug at their heart from in those memories.  Despite the goofy theatris of a slam on a US Airplane Carrier, the nonsensical patriotism (a staple not just of the Lex Express, but many Pro Wrestling angles), and the fresh-tapped-from-the-National-Parks-of-America-and-from-a-red-white-and-bluewood-tree sap that was the theme song, every kid loved it.  And CHIKARA took all of that, the slam, the patriotism (Tursas being from Norway), the theme song and yes, even the bus and made it something new. 

It wasn't just meaningless nostalgia though, it really gave Green Ant a chance to come into his own.  Through the Flex Express videos he cut some fun promos about traveling anonymous towns on his way to finally put down Tursas.  And the two singles matches he had with Tursas, especially given that both have had only a few years of experience between them, were phenomenal matches.  He is equal parts BattlARTS and Road Warrior in his style.  He can do the strength spots, as evidenced in this match but he has a slick grappling game as seen in his matches with Quackenbush. 

This match, and the subsequent Tursas matches are the best thing in wrestling for 2011.  For reference, they are at CHIKARAsaurus Rex: Night 1 and the High Noon iPPV.  Check them out and start digging CHIKARA!