Ottawa's Wrestling Community Picks up the Cancer Fight

It may sound a little odd, but on Friday, August 17^th, Tudor Hall will have a bevy of professional wrestlers and scores of raucous fans all fighting in the name of one ‘homeless guy’.  Phrank Morin, known to wrestling fans as Stinky the Homeless Guy, was beloved by fans and his friends in the wrestling world.  He would walk to the ring in torn up t-shirts with a taped up shoe and his trademark hat all to the tune of ‘Maybe Tomorrow’, the theme of the Littlest Hobo.  Over several years, his often-touted smile and unique humour was a fixture in Ottawa and Quebec as well as the Northeast United States, where he fought in Lego Weapons Matches and became a champion after finding a title belt while digging in the trash. 

It was with little warning that Phrank’s career was cut short when in December of 2010 it was discovered he had cancer.  The next month during his first cycle of chemotherapy it was found that the cancer was terminal.  He was told he had one year to live.

One of his good friends in the wrestling business was Ottawa C*4 Promoter Mark Pollesel, who after hearing the news, wrote the Canadian Cancer Society about putting on an event for Phrank.   Over the next several months, Mark and his crew held countless fundraisers at his own shows.  They sold cupcakes and t-shirts, they shaved heads; whatever they could do to put the show together, they did it. 

“Basically everybody who had known Phrank from promoters to wrestlers to fans all stepped up and helped us raise the money.  It's our little community, indy pro wrestling, coming together and trying to make a difference.”

As they continued to raise money for the big event, Phrank’s sickness was growing as well.  Soon, one year became only three months.  On April 1^st, 2011, Phrank passed away.  It was a huge blow to all those who had been hoping to put the event together and have Phrank attend.  The decision was made to go ahead with the show, and put it on in his memory instead.  

The very first Fighting Back saw nearly 400 people come to Tudor Hall, among them Phrank’s mother, sister and girlfriend.  It was a night filled with great emotion and tremendous success as well.  The ‘little community’ raised over 10,000 dollars for the Canadian Cancer Society.  At the end of the night, everyone left with a smile on their face and quite a few wiping away tears.

This year, Mark is hoping for even more success.  Former Wrestlemania headliner Bobby Lashley will appear, Harry Smith, a member of Canada’s own famous Hart Family, and Jay Lethal of TNA Wrestling.

“If you’re a wrestling fan, you'll be in for a treat.  You'll see guys who you've seen on TV like Lashley and Smith, working without the limitations of commercial breaks and TV time.  If you're not a wrestling fan, you can show up, donate $20 straight to the Canadian Cancer Society with a General Admission Ticket purchase, lower your inhibitions, and just have fun for a couple of hours.”

Emotions will undoubtedly be running high as his fellow wrestlers take to the ring on August 17^th to put on a show for their fallen friend.  The event isn’t about someone who died though, but about celebrating the person this community loved and his unwavering spirit.

“Much like Phrank and his attitude all the way through his sickness, this is going to be a positive night.”

Fighting Back 2:  Wrestling With Cancer will be held at Tudor Hall (3750 North Bowesville Road in Ottawa).  Tickets can be purchased at VERTIGO Records (193 Rideau St. in Ottawa).  All money from ticket sales will be donated to the Canadian Cancer Society in memory of Phrank Morin.

Bill Dundee, Jeff Jarrett & Jimmy Valiant vs. Robert Fuller, Jimmy Golden & Tommy Rich - AWA - September 17th, 1988

 I was having myself a shave and thinking about all the regular life crap that I have to do tomorrow, going to work as a simple example, and I was having a hard time being very confident about any of it.  You know, you have yourself, which is the active you; the person who goes and talks to people and is the physical embodiment of your being but then there's also your perception, which is what shapes you.  I think anyone that can actually write the last couple of sentences I've written probably is starting out with a disadvantage. 

Not Pictured:  His normally enormous beard.

So there I was thinking to myself how am I going to get through this next day and kind of feeling as though I wasn't all that great of a person.  It's safe now to ask, what does this have to do with wrestling?  On the surface this seems maybe a bit more suited for some personal introspection or maybe a therapist or something, but I find when I feel down I turn to the Boogie Woogie Man.

This past Monday was Jimmy Valiant's birthday and I thought that it would only be fitting if I worked him in to my mini-project here.  There are some guys who just are exactly what they are.  In Buddhism, it would essentially be zen.  A state of being without thought to being.  Just doing what you do.  That's truly mastering yourself as a person.  And if you get "Come to Papa" tattooed across your stomach, I would guess you don't give a fuck about the perceptions of others. 

 On one side of the ring you have the Stud Stable consisting of Robert Fuller, Jimmy Golden and Tommy Rich along with Downtown Bruno and Miss Silvia.  If you were in a psych class or something, you might think of them as society.  Vain and judgemental.  On the other side is the Superstar Bill Dundee, a short Australian, Jeff Jarrett, with his bleached hair and of course, Jimmy Valiant.  Jarrett may seem sort of the odd man out, but under the tutelage of a Jimmy Valiant you're bound to hear a few jail stories and maybe some of it might get through to Jeff and he can give him a prison tattoo using some magnets and a guitar string.

Big Mama's Flowers

 Valiant is wearing his "Big Mamma's Flowers" shirt and clapping and stomping even though there is no music to be heard, but he knows there's music somewhere and maybe he can get something started.  Unfortunately, the match starts instead.  Jarrett is in there going move for move with Fuller until Golden comes in to break up a post-suplex pin.  Jarrett outsmarts them both and then cleans house with some dropkicks.  Boogie Woogie comes in for some celebratory butt bumps with his team.

Bring 'em back!

Fuller gets Dundee into the corner after the tag and throws some really cool looking punches before making the tag to Tommy Rich.  Dundee is in control with a lot of hip tosses and bodyslams before Rich cheats and pulls him by his hair to the other corner.  Dundee's too crafty to get caught up and scurries between Rich's legs for the hot tag to Valiant.  Valiant's version of a hot tag is a bit different than your average wrestler.  He picks up the ref and throws him down, proceeds to the other corner and hip thrusts at the two men on the outside, hip thrusts for an additional 30 seconds at the man who was already in the ring (and assumedly waiting to be punched in the face still) before finally blocking three punches and starting his big offensive push.  Jimmy gets whipped into the ropes, stomps the fingers of Downtown Bruno trying to cheat and then slides outside to make out with Miss Silvia.  THAT is how you make a comeback.

Valiant has long found a loophole in the law that after 15 sexual assaults you can no longer be charged.  MERCY!

 Verne Gagne on commentary speculates that if he were a beautiful lady he may not like to be kissed by Valiant.  If we were a more diverse community, this might have launched a thousand fanfics.  Valiant puts in all the offense he knows, the noggin knocker and punches before bringing Jarrett back in.  Tommy Rich hits a low blow and Jarrett's in trouble.  Golden comes in and gets suplexed.  Everybody comes in Jarrett gets a sleeper hold on Golden, Dundee puts the figure four on Fuller and in the corner Valiant is applying his submission finisher, a 3 minute eye rake on Rich.  The rest of the Stud Stable come in and it's a DQ win for Valiant and company.  Brickhouse Brown comes out to help and it's a party, just like Valiant loves.  Of course, after a party you have to clean house, and out goes the Stud Stable. 

I don't think too many wrestling enthusiasts would praise Valiant for his wrestling skill, but the man was what he was.  Even if you hated him, you couldn't ask for a more entertaining guy to stand on the outside for a tag match.  When you think too much about life, you start wondering why you're in it.  When you thrust your crotch at anyone and everyone, you remove all doubt.  Life's questions will answer themselves when you never stop hearing the music.  And Boogie Woogie Jimmy Valiant will just keep dancing until a party starts.

Thrust until you're finally free.

Keiji Mutoh, Hiroyoshi Tenzan & Satoshi Kojima vs. CHAOS (Toru Yano, Takashi Iizuka & Tomohiro Ishii) - 07/01/12 - NJPW/AJPW WE ARE PRO WRESTLING LOVE

I am only passively aware of current Japanese wrestling, but these are all guys I know pretty well or at least through King of Colosseum 2; Ishii I’m looking at you.  Iizuka has changed quite a bit.  He used to be all shoot kickpads and sleeper holds and now he is fucking NUTS, yanking people around in the crowd, dragging people by their collars.  Ishii looks exactly as I remember him, maybe a few more polygons, Yano is the same just without those bothersome eyebrows.  Iizuka grabs the tv announcer by the scruff of his neck and drags him over the announce tables and the guardrail and proceeds to pull all of his shirts off; far more shirts than one announcer needs.  Yano in the meantime yanks Yuji Nagata backwards at the announce table for trying to help or possibly jealous of his luscious eyebrows.

TenKoji comes out to their sweet mash-up theme.  I have no idea if this is a reunion for them or not.  I’m pretty sure Kojima has been in All Japan for most of the time.  Tenzan has probably been almost winning a lot of big stuff in New Japan before ultimately injuring himself.  Mutoh is the fucking manliest gay cowboy ever.  He still moves like the guy who jumps out at you at the haunted house, very controlled bursts of energy.  I guess 10,000 moonsaults will slow you down.  

He rode in on a horse named Fabulous.

 CHAOS gets the jump on our dream team and Yano grabs the mic and yells at the crowd for flaunting their eyebrows at him or something.  Kojima takes him back in the ring for some signature strikes.  Mutoh is still really fast for the split second where he drops the flashing elbow.  Iizuka CHEATS~! and hits Mutoh with the chair while simultaneously scaring the hell out of his former announcer victim.

Perhaps having a breakthrough with this immersion therapy, the announcer starts screaming “MUTOH GANBATTE!” at Iizuka as he keeps putting the boots to Mutoh.  Back inside Iizuka starts choking Mutoh with a rope.  Iizuka constantly looks like his head is about to explode.  He kind of works the same as I remember, except he replaced all his rest holds with underhanded tactics.  Yano comes in and starts apeing the Tenzan Mongolian Chops.  He does the Mutoh pose after the second one and Mutoh does this great sell of “Wait a second….that’s my po…ahh shit” as he takes the last chop. 

Heeeeey!

Mutoh makes the hot tag to Kojima who does the Kobashi endless chops in the corner and now I wonder what Kobashi is up to and if NOAH is still alive.  Another day. Kojima with the ‘Ichiyaro Bakayaro’ elbow.  Mutoh is in and hits 16 dropkicks to everyone’s knees and 10 dragon screws to get to our triple submission spot, Mutoh with the Figure Four, Tenzan with his Anaconda Vice and Kojima with his hammerlock sleeper thing that I vaguely remember as a Fire Pro D download move maybe? 

Ishii is left in the ring because he has the least interesting tights and takes a TenKoji Cutter followed by the original SHINING WIZARD~!  The ref is pulled out of the ring before the three though.  Iizuka has STEEL FINGERS!!!  I fucking love Iizuka.  Let’s go down the list,

              1)  Disregard for Human Life.  Check

              2)  Sweet ass skulls on his tights and knee pads.  Check

              3)    Steel Fingers to poke people with.  Double Check

But, as things do, it goes awry and he pokes Yano in his chest instead.  Iizuka eats a Shining Wizard and Ishii wanders in because it’s time for him to lose.  Get some caccodemons on your tights or something dude.  Lightning doesn’t cut it in 2012.  Lariato, Diving Headbutt, Moonsault.  This one’s over.

 

Mutoh still has the best moonsault.  It’s probably easier for him now that his kneecaps are dust.  The announcer is going nuts and throws his headset down in joy.  Mutoh wants him in the ring!  Iizuka eats an extra-curricular KojiCutter.  He’s tossed to the corner, Mutoh with the Shining Wizard and Pale Asian announcer with the Lariato.  The other announcer is losing his shit.  This was way better than any John Cena Make-A-Wish.  He’s back on commentary crying with joy, his incredibly small nipples still glistening from battle.

I need to see more 2012 Iizuka.

King of Trios 2011 - The BDK vs. the Colony

Anyone with an affinity for Independent Wrestling has probably seen last year's King of Trios by now.  It was shortly preceded by the death of Larry Sweney, and going in with that dark cloud hanging over it could've very well been a throwaway show and it would be understandable.  Instead, it was a phenomenal show.  The show was released the day after the event was over, and the huge buzz from the live crowd made it the best selling show in CHIKARA history.

It was also the birth of one of my favourite feuds, and for my money the best feud of the last year.  

 At the 2010 King of Trios, through nefarious means, the BDK (Then Claudio Castignoli, Ares and Tursas) defeated the Colony in the finals.  The Ants were out for revenge and they met a new BDK trio of Tim Donst, Jakob Hammermeier and Delirious (with Tursas on the outside). 

The BDK try to get the jump but get tossed to the side, Jakob is left behind to start a circle of clubberin' that everyone gets a ride on before it's over.

After they bail to the outside, the Colony follows up with an Ant-apault sending Fire Ant soaring after them.  Donst hits an STO on the inside to put the BDK back in the driver's seat.  In a tender moment, Donst teaches Jakob how to execute a suplex.  After moderate success with wrestling, Jakob gets back to his forte; choking FIre Ant first with his hands, then his vest and finally his tie.

Fire Ant turns things around in the corner and rolls out(exiting the ring is a tag in CHIKARA) bringing in Soldier Ant for a flying headbutt into the corner, followed by a dive to the outside on Delirious.  Back inside Donst gets cocky with a vertical suplex and Green Ant counters into a small package.  Green Ant then ducks a clotheline and rolls through into his Texas Cloverleaf, but it's broken up.

They have the requisite elbow for elbow spot, with the hilarious addition of Jakob trying to throw elbows like everybody else, but continually being blocked by Fire Ant each time.  The heels get the upper-hand and are about to hit the BDK finisher, the Ragnarok, but Fire Ant gets saved and it's countered into a double stunner.

With only Jakob left they hit the Ant Hill, but Donst makes the save at the last second.  Donst hits is Death Valley Driver, the Donstitution, for 2.  Fire Ant hits a top rope fireman's carry, Soldier Ant attempts the Saluting Flying Headbutt but misses followed by a HUGE flying splash from Delirious onto Soldier which clears the ring for Green Ant and Jakob.

The ref is distracted by Donst grabbing a chair, leading to Tursas coming in attempting to hit the big flying crossbody, which has been death for anybody hit with it, on a restrained Green Ant.  Ant ducks out of the way and it nails Jakob.  Then, harkening back to Yokozuna and Lex Luger on the USS Intrepid, Green Ant picks up the enormous Tursas and slams him!  This blew the roof off of the Arena.  Then, he hoists Jakob up in the rack for the submission win.  This put the Colony through to the semi-finals.

What's wonderful about CHIKARA is that they're not afraid to reach to the past, with the knowledge that a lot of their fans have been fans this entire time, and there's some strings to tug at their heart from in those memories.  Despite the goofy theatris of a slam on a US Airplane Carrier, the nonsensical patriotism (a staple not just of the Lex Express, but many Pro Wrestling angles), and the fresh-tapped-from-the-National-Parks-of-America-and-from-a-red-white-and-bluewood-tree sap that was the theme song, every kid loved it.  And CHIKARA took all of that, the slam, the patriotism (Tursas being from Norway), the theme song and yes, even the bus and made it something new. 

It wasn't just meaningless nostalgia though, it really gave Green Ant a chance to come into his own.  Through the Flex Express videos he cut some fun promos about traveling anonymous towns on his way to finally put down Tursas.  And the two singles matches he had with Tursas, especially given that both have had only a few years of experience between them, were phenomenal matches.  He is equal parts BattlARTS and Road Warrior in his style.  He can do the strength spots, as evidenced in this match but he has a slick grappling game as seen in his matches with Quackenbush. 

This match, and the subsequent Tursas matches are the best thing in wrestling for 2011.  For reference, they are at CHIKARAsaurus Rex: Night 1 and the High Noon iPPV.  Check them out and start digging CHIKARA!

King of Trios 2012~!

I was trying to think of an interesting way to announce my new project and I mean, I've told everyone I am masculine-ly in love with CHIKARA. And you know I like reviewing old stuff and a couple of new things as well. So hey, let me get straight to the point. I am going to King of Trios 2012!

This is actually my first real expedition for Wrestling. I've never went to a WWF/E PPV or anything huge like that, I've mostly stuck to what was in my backyard. (Hey, when Jerry Lawler in Memphis is in your backyard, that's not too shabby) After watching King of Trios 2011 and subsequently buying every CHIKARA DVD since, I've realized that this will be my pilgrimage; CHIKARA being a wrestling Mecca for those of sensible taste and a friendly demeanour.

In my excitement, I believe it would be only fitting as I'm attending a contest matching 3 vs. 3, to theme all my posts up until September. So I will be reviewing some notable or favourite six man tags. CHIKARA will be there, perhaps the strange brew that was WAR (Wrestle and Romance) and yeah, of course there's going to be some Memphis because I have a lot of DVD's to burn through still!

This will culminate in a report on King of Trios 2012, which I was going to say live but I'm likely going to wear myself out that weekend geeking out for masked dudes and armdrags. But shortly thereafter, I will review it in full! In the meantime, please stay tuned for me being jovial and upbeat will talking about Johnny Saint and possibly a Freebird or two and what their fisticuffs were all for.

CHIKARA – “It’s How You Play The Game” Live Report~!

That’s right, I’m doing a straight up show report! I promise not to break into a short story about rabbits or something!

This was CHIKARA’s second show in Canada, the first being the night before in Vaughn. One of the cool things that I wasn’t really aware of is that they actually have a guy who explains the storylines to people. So say you missed two months of shows, or maybe this is your first show and you want to know why there’s a guy named Hallowicked with a pumpkin stem on his head who only speaks in gibberish. There’s a dude to tell you why! Anyway, he briefly runs down the bullet points of the season before giving way to Gavin Loudspeaker.

Gavin Loudspeaker Sings!

Well, god bless him for performing music for wrestling crowds. I’ve been to a lot of the shows here and the Ottawa audience is…colourful and a bit harsh. But his rendition of The Proclaimers’ “I’m Gonna Be” aka 500 Miles featuring CHIKARA lyrics was charming. Up until he forgot the words. Luckily, everybody was content to echo the “DA NA NA NA” part over and over again. A for Effort!

“Speedball” Mike Bailey vs. Mathieu St. Jacques

This was a showcase for two local guys. St. Jacques kind of looks like Andrei Arlovski, Bailey kind of looks like a 14 year old. I’ve seen both guys many times and I’m surprised that Bailey hasn’t really caught on at the next level of indy wrestling yet as he is an excellent flyer. Plus he works an honest to goodness martial artist gimmick, not another MMA guy. They had a good, but short match, with Bailey countering a crossbody by catching him and doing a full backflip into a slam for the win. If Tojo Yammamoto were still around, you could stick Bailey with him as a protégé and I think he’d probably be a champion somewhere.

Jigsaw vs. Mr. Touchdown

Unfortunately, Mike Quackenbush broke his wrist (They said it was something far more medical than that, but the jist is…) and couldn’t wrestle. So what was formerly a tag match of Quack/Jig vs. The Throwbacks became this singles match. Touchdown was in actual full football gear, which gave way to Jigsaw stealing his football and having a toss around with the crowd while the ref helped him undo his pads. The match itself was really good, with Touchdown having some fun football spots, like the old three point stance, and a run-in-place then drop body splash ala football drills. Jigsaw hit his really great footstomp on a charging opponent which I’m always super-impressed with. Archibald Peck’s girlfriend/colour guard Veronica came out making googly eyes at Touchdown. Jigsaw questioned her taste and gave a Ravishing Rick Rude hip swivel. “Even Barber is better than him! Show her!” and the ref gave her one as well. This was enough distraction for Touchdown to hit a HUGE spinebuster for the win. Really good match, but maybe they should consider some pads that are easier to remove.



Sara Del Rey vs. Leah VonDutch

There’s really not much to say about this match. Leah got a boot up, a clothesline and a bulldog on Sara. That was the entirety of her offense. The other two and a half minutes were Sara kicking her and hitting the Royal Butterfly for the win. Was s’alright. I expected to see a bit more from the local girl, though.

Dasher Hatfield vs. Ophidian

My life-long dream of being in a Dasher huddle finally came true! The match was a lot of fun. Ophidian has collected the masks of his former Osirian Portal members and wears them as a necklace now. They talk to him, and he yells at them during the match. This was half comedy, half wrestling, which they both do extremely well. For all the comedy that Dasher is known for as part of the Throwbacks, he’s really tremendous just putting on a match as well. The underhand-pitch chops are a nice touch.



At one point, Dasher took Ophidian to the outside and sat him in a chair close to me, then proceeded to pile on the largest guys (and at a wrestling show, there’s some LARGE guys) in the front row on top of him. All the while, Ophidian is screaming! In the end though, Ophidian locked in his Cobra Clutch for the tap out. I think this was the best wrestling match I’ve seen Dasher in yet.

Team 3.0le (Scott Parker, Shane Matthews and El Generico) vs. The Batiri



3.0 picked up the CHIKARA tag titles (Campeonatos de Parejas) the night before in Vaughn, so they got a hero’s welcome in Ottawa, where they are on nearly every local show. I think the new tights were a dead giveaway they had won the titles. Sitting in the front row, it was pretty easy to see that Matthews seemed to have hurt his knee pretty bad during the intro. Parker and Generico worked the majority of the match. But Matthews hit his HEADSCISSORS~! and locked in the Boston Crab on Kobald for the win.

The Spectral Envoy (Hallowicked and Ultramantis Black) vs. 17 and the Shard

This match had a lot going on, to say the least. Tim Donst was doing commentary on the stage, after the Envoy’s entrance, 17 and the Shard came out from the crowd and attacked from behind.



The Shard has some decent attire, kind of like Jigsaw but with ‘glass shards’. That’s cool, however 17 is rocking a full on lucha outfit that made no mention of the number 17 anywhere. I assume this will be explained in time! This was mostly a brawl. Delirious was walking behind the crowd watching. Ultramantis freed him from the control of the BDK using the Eye of Tyr before the beginning of the season. However, it seems that it hasn’t made him his old self as they thought it would. So, with Delirious outside the ring, Donst left the announce booth and stole the Young Lion’s Cup which Hallowicked had brought with him. Mantis chased after, leaving Hallowicked alone. He ate a superkick which led to the pin. Then, post-match, Ophidian returned spitting mist in Mantis’ eyes and leaving with his staff. Like I said, a lot of angles going on during this match!

Archibald Peck vs. Chuck Taylor

This was the absolute highlight of the night for me. As noted earlier, Peck’s girlfriend Veronica has left him, seemingly for that jock Mr. Touchdown. Peck entered heartbroken, he marched half-heartedly and stepped up on to the mat, reaching down as he always does for Veronica only to realize she wasn’t there. Then as he climbed the ropes to do his trademark extended-fist post he realized the ceiling was too low. Finally, the bell rings and as they Taylor and Peck meet in the middle they go to tie up and Peck hugs him and cries on his shoulder.



This was all received by a chorus of “AWWW”’s from the crowd. Chuck allows him to win a Greco-roman knucklelock until he gets his swagger back, then cheats to take the advantage. Taylor does his stomps in the corner, then Archie does a mocking stomps in the corner as well. This leads to an angry Kentucky Gentleman walking up behind Peck, and Peck sensing the presence, then reaching back and feeling his face, cheek and hair…then he suddenly turns around and hits a Stone Cold Stunner, followed by a pose in all four corners!

Other highlights of the match include Taylor trying to drown him in a painting (Peck: “I can’t swim!”), a pose down in front of the murals on the wall, an unfortunate grenade accident, and the referee getting the best of Taylor. Please, for the love of whoever you worship, if you enjoy pro wrestling, watch this match.



The Colony vs. combatANT, assailANT and deviANT



This was another of the matches that was driving the season’s storyline forward. A wild brawl that went all over the place. For the uninformed, the Colony are Soldier Ant, Green Ant and Fire Ant. Their opponents are sort of the ‘alternate universe’ ants, in comic book terms. After watching a few of the YouTube videos I get sort of a “Dark Knight” vibe. They’re shot in a warehouse, sort of static-filled and shaky camera. They say they know who they are and intend to unmask them. I really like the heavy comic book influence of this season and maybe it’s the video game nerd in me but I enjoy the palette swapped ants as well.

This match was mostly contested outside of the ring. Lots of dives, postings and beat downs on the floor. They isolated Green Ant in the ring and tore his mask off, giving the Colony the DQ win but staying true to their word. I guess some ants just want to watch the world burn.




CHIKARA Grand Championship Match: Eddie Kingston vs. Brodie Lee

Good gravy. I’ve seen and heard some pretty rough stuff in wrestling, but I have never heard two guys hit each other as hard as these guys did. Brodie was recently signed to a WWE developmental deal and the crowd seemed plenty aware and there was some banter, including Brodie telling Quack at the announce table he was taking his belt to Stamford. They really lit in to each other with the chops and punches, the crowd was cringing the entire way.



Brodie hit a top rope Butterfly Suplex and a Ligerbomb each of which testing the mettle of the brand new ring. Kingston hit his Backdrop Driver for a close two count. After two Backfists to the Future, Eddie hit the Sliding D to the back of Brodie’s head for the fall. Both guys were down for some time after. Brodie received a huge ovation, and a long “Thank you, Brodie” chant, as he’s been at countless shows in Ottawa and made quite the name for himself. It was a heck of an ending to a heck of a show.

After the show was over, just about the entire roster was out walking around and interacting with people. Mike Quackenbush was at the door shaking hands with everyone who walked by, thanking them for coming to the show. I know that CHIKARA isn’t the biggest promotion in the world, but I think they really get that, to grow nowadays you really have to make the people a part of it. Hey, this blog features a lot of Memphis Wrestling, right? Well, this is a pretty apt comparison. A small crowd in a small arena, where the fans are right there and everything is interactive. It has that same atmosphere, just a little nerdier to account for the nerdier age we live in.

If CHIKARA comes within driving distance of you, it is worth it to go see it. Simply, it’s the most fun I’ve ever had at a wrestling event.

Randy Savage vs. Jerry Lawler - Steel Cage Match 12/12/83

I've never been much of a car guy, but a lot of people use car metaphors to describe men or women of stature. The Cadillac of Men, or something along those lines. I'm sure there's more in-depth ones than that, comparing the radiator on a Chevy to the guts of Charles Bronson or something. That's not me, I know cows, not cars. But Jerry Lawler was that car that always got there. It might sputter and spit as it goes over hills, but it always gets to where it's going. It defies its inner-workings and makes mechanics scratch their heads. It's not as pretty as a lot of cars and it's not as fast, but on sheer will it gets the job done.

I tell you all that to tell you this. Randy Savage is a space ship. People wander in to wrestling and see these line-ups of fine automobiles, they take in the craftsmanship and structure, and then they come to the end of this line up of vehicles and there's a big ass shuttle making everyone's eyes widen and say "What the fuck!?". Someone can try to explain to you the intricacies of space travel, the dynamics of leaving an atmosphere and the pageantry of lift-off and no matter how much time you spend trying to understand it is completely beyond your comprehension how it works*.

Lawler and Savage were long-time rivals in the mid-south states. There was a lot of bad blood between the two of them for many years as Lawler was at the forefront of the various Memphis incantations while Savage was running the rival ICW. This was, essentially, an invasion angle. Everybody knew both these guys from the local scene, and both were at the top of their games. To have Savage show up unexpectedly in the small Memphis studio was crazy. With it being Savage, crazy is putting it a little mildly.



The match was set. Savage vs. Lawler inside a steel cage for the Southern Heavyweight Title. Lawler in trunks, Savage in a tiger-striped cape. Savage's warm up is taking jabs at members of the audience through the cage and shouting that "EVERYBODY DIES WHEN I'M DONE, YOU KNOW THAT!". The cage I mentioned is some planks of wood tied together with fencing in between, as sturdy as a reality television show relationship.



Lawler has the upper hand in the beginning of the match, backing Savage into the corner repeatedly and delivering huge body shots followed by a big right to the jaw. Savage exploits Lawler's angle by spitting on him, then getting the upper-hand with a punch out of a headlock. He wears him down with a headlock until the first use of the cage occurs, with Lawler pushing Savage off into the wobbly beams in the middle. Savage, ducks out and starts digging in his tights for something. Savage wrenches in an armbar and takes this moment of rest to inform the crowd, once again "EVERYBODY DIES!". The commentator, Lance Russell says "Savage is just the kind of wild-looking son of a gun you might expect somethin' like that out of".

Savage controls the next little bit, using a foreign object from his tights while in the corner. When the fight goes outside, we get an early top rope axe handle to the floor from Savage. They've improved leaps and bounds since '83, as one would expect of space travel.



Savage manages, somehow, to climb the rickety cage and leap off for his elbow drop. Disaster follows as the first crash of Savage 83 occurs.



Lawler has no pity for him and tries to hit the dreaded (and very much illegal at the time) Piledriver, but the ref absolutely won't allow it, holding Savage's body to prevent him from being lifted, which once again gives Savage the advantage and leads to yet more atmospheric travel as Savage puts about 20 rotations into an airplance spin on Lawler.




As both stumble aimlessly after all those twists, Lawler lands a falling right uppercut that puts both of them on their back. Lawler tries to climb the top of the cage too, but flying cars are still decades away, so he sticks to the ropes.





Savage brutalizes Lawler on the outside, face to cage until finally, the strap comes down.



As Lawler begins to get the best of Savage, the giant French-Canadian Jos LeDuc climbs the cage to beat down Lawler and that's grounds for the disqualification. I know, a disqualification in a cage match sounds unsatisfying, but it was a really fun brawl.

In terms of modern technology, the best, most dependable guy in wrestling was Jerry Lawler and he helped ground all the crazy of Savage and keep it a fun Memphis brawl. Lawler was the working man, Savage was the astronaut. Spaceships were meant to fly.

Jerry Lawler vs. Dutch Mantell - Barbed Wire Match 3/29/82

Jerry Lawler was, simply, the King of Memphis. Still is. Still makes appearances there, still WRESTLES there on occasion. People know his name. He's not Elvis, but he's close. He was the most popular man in that area in the 80's, bar none. What was interesting about Memphis is that, there was also Dutch Mantell. Dutch Mantell was kind of Stone Cold Steve Austin before Stone Cold Steve Austin. A short, stout Yosemite Sam-ish character with a permanent winter coat who hailed from Oil Trough, Texas. And he was a total bad ass. One of the few men who could toe the line as an opponent for Lawler, while still keeping fans. More importantly, one of the few men with a clean win over Lawler.

He was never content being the King's second fiddle and two days prior to this match he demanded a Loser Leaves Town match on their weekly studio show to settle things once and for all. After 10 minutes Dutch tried to call a truce. He said that the First Family (Jimmy Hart's stable) were in the back laughing at them, because they're beating on one another instead of beating on them. With the support of the audience, Lawler extended his hand. Just like the outlaw he is, Dutch blindsides him, and delivers a piledriver and his patented elbow drop. He counts his own pin and leaves with the Southern Heavyweight Championship.



A lot of people don't understand the barbed wire match. Or they've seen a thousand hardcore matches in Japan where people do everything short of sodomy with it (though I wouldn't be surprised to be wrong about that). You think of it physically. Barbed wire doesn't just exist as a prop to bleed though.

When I grew up on the farm we used to have lines of it going down the road. Behind it was open fields where you'd see cows spread out every 20 feet or so, but you didn't see a single one near the barbed wire. I didn't know any better and I'd make a game out of climbing in between the strands every now and again. The strands were just far enough apart for my tiny frame to pass through unscathed. I'd dart back and forth until someone swatted me on the head and told me to go inside. The cows never seemed to care that someone was infiltrating their broad homes. They'd never even look my way.

Further down the road, another half mile is where they kept the bulls. A bull. In particular. His name was Hombre. He'd stalk the barbed wire like it was his greatest enemy. There were about 8 bulls spread out over a mile and Hombre would be the only one you'd see because he'd look you straight in the eye. It was notable that he had cuts all over himself that had slowly sealed up leaving scars along his front.

"That's the only god damn bull I've ever met that won't learn a lesson."

That's what my Grandpa used to say. I moved up just outside of the barbed wire in front of those bulls. The wire here was weaved around with a thicker consistency. There were horizontal and vertical strands, like some kind of deadly tic tac toe board. I gave it the once over, and surmised that this would be a challenge. As a child of the 80's a foolish, deadly outdoor activity was kind of the 20-kill Call of Duty streak of today.

I stuck the toe of my shoe through one of the tiny squares and aimed it at the ground on the other side. I swore I felt the ground shake. My shoe leather brushed the ground and I turned my gaze to it. I saw one of the bulls give me a cursory glance, then turn his nose up at me. I ducked my arm through next, up to the shoulder. My head followed next and then, there it was again. I could feel my shoes shiver around my foot. I lifted my head, looking for a jackhammer or a tractor around somewhere. It began raining, my hair was quickly getting soaked. I checked the skies but they were clear. I reached up to dry my head but it was thick and syrupy. My hand was crimson. That was my first brush with barbed wire. I did what any kid would do I cried and tried to pull myself out quickly, but my sweater was stuck on the steel barb. I couldn't even feel the one that cut open my head but now it burned like a volcano spewing out thick dark lava.

As I dangled just outside the bull's domain I saw the cause of my questioning. Hombre was at the fence glaring at the threads of my sweater. Up close I could count how many times he tore down this bladed fence that was holding me currently. One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six. Each cut was just a little bit further back on his body, indicating increasing success. With one stroke he sent his horns at the wire and murdered half of my sweater. I was on my butt just outside the wire staring up, bewildered. I could hear gruff screams of "GOD DAMMIT" behind me as the farmers were running to meet me. Hombre took another swipe and another swipe; his head was bleeding and now sticking through one of the holes. He was wearing the fence like a masochistic necklace. He thrusted again and again until his horn was at my chest. He looked drowsy and dazed. His stare went from gruff to grimace. I was picked up by the scruff of what was left of my sweater. Hombre was passed out. Bloody. Exhausted. The fence now looking like it gave birth to a 3000 lbs. bull. Blood dripped from the cuts just before his hind legs. A new personal best.

My Grandpa pulled me face to face with him. I thought I had blood caked into my eye, but when I wiped it away his face was still that red. He was angry. He put an old handkerchief on top of my head and pressed down. He was looking for a couple of the few non-cusswords in his day to day vocabulary.

"God D....Son of a.....Boy, I hope you know now."

I nodded. That Barbed Wire isn't a fence. It's a line. And when you cross it, you pay.

When Dutch and Lawler step in, and they wrap the wire around, that's the line. Nobody is in and nobody is out.

The match is much less a match than a fight. The crowd is raucous. Firmly behind Lawler, but you can hear a ton of Dutch supporters as well. This is a blood feud. They don't start off with headlocks or arm wringers. They punch one another. And hard. And when one of them is on the ground in peril, they get dragged to the barbed wire in an attempt to maim the other.



As they're exchanging shoulder blocks, full speed, Dutch takes the upper hand when he uses a Thesz Press. Lance Russell points out that Lawler's attention was diverted as he hit the ropes, being careful of the wire, thus giving Mantell the advantage.



With it, he gets the first cut, pulling the wire and poking a hole over Lawler's left eye. As Dutch stalks him in the corner, Lawler turns the tide with a boot to the face. Lawler immediately goes for his revenge dragging Dutch right over to the ring ropes and yanking the wire up to his face, stabbing at his forehead with it. Both men bleeding profusely, Dutch is a man backed in a corner now and he's not afraid to fight like one, kicking Lawler low to take the advantage back.



The finish is Rocky without the gloves. The two men rip into one another with the biggest, stiffest looking punches you will ever see in Professional Wrestling. They both fly to separate sides of the ring, bouncing off the ropes only to swing wildly. Finally, they slam into one another a final time. Dutch falls, Lawler, wearily, stumbled into the ropes and falls on top of him for the pin.



Bloody. Exhausted. The line crossed.

Eddie Gilbert and Ricky Morton vs. Mr. Onita and Masa Fuchi - Tupelo Concession Stand Brawl

I am going to go out on a limb and say there's not a lot of noteworthy things about Tupelo, Mississippi. I will grant you that it is the birthplace of Elvis, but there's a reason he moved. There's likely not a lot to do on any given Saturday evening. Wikipedia informs me in the first two lines that it's "Smaller than Meridian and larger than Greenville". I believe this speaks for itself.

The wonderful thing about small towns is they make everything around them look big. In wrestling lore, there was an incident which is something of folk legend and it took place in none other than Tupelo. A two out of three falls match featuring Ricky Morton and Eddie Gilbert vs. the wily (as all asian people were in the 80's) Masanobu Fuchi and Mr. (Atsushi) Onita with Tojo Yammamoto as their manager. In the future, Ricky Morton would go on to become one half of one of the best tag teams iin the Rock and Roll Express. Sadly, Gilbert would die a wrestler's death. On a brighter note, Fuchi would become old, haggard and enter to Kenny Loggins' Danger Zone when wrestling. Onita would be a Japanese Senator and Death Match Legend. In fact, he went to Afghanistan on a humanitarian mission to entertain the people with his Death Match ways. Seriously.

Humble beginnings in a small town in Mississippi. The match is joined at the end, as Gilbert rolls up Onita while the ref is distracted. Yammamoto, with the grace of a disabled gazelle, comes into the ring, bends down, looks Gilbert in the eyes and throws salt (that most heinous of spices) into his eyes. Onita rolls him up and that's that for the match.



It's the beginning of something much bigger though. They weren't through that night, as in any small town, you have to make your own fun. And often times amongst reckless youth it's made through debauchery. Morton is furious and he takes away Yammamoto's "Japanese fighting stick" and starts belting the victors with it. They end up brawling all the way into the concession stand for the show. Lance Russell is fantastic all through this as he's both appalled and fascinated by everything going on and he tries to direct Eddie Marlin in trying to get things under control. Yammamoto ends up busted open and he basically just sits contorted against the inside of the serving area with blood pouring down his face, like some kind of weird Concession Stand Phantom.



Plastic tubs, Ketchup, Mustard; nothing is sacred as they scour this 20 foot area. And every single fan has found their way from their seats over to the concession stand. Tojo ends up finding his way up after a cut in the action and he's randomly choking some old guy on the floor. This prompts perhaps the most surreal and fantastic wrestling image ever. This old Japanese man, dripping blood and covered in Mustard, begins SLAPPING THE SHIT out of an old woman who wandered into the stand. I love Pro Wrestling. A Gajillion Stars and an eternal place in my heart for Tojo Yammamoto.

Santo vs. The Daughter of Frankenstein

If you had to ask me one of my own pet peeves about horror movies, I'd probably have to say that I rarely if ever enjoy the main protagonist.  Assuming we aren't classifying Jason or Freddy as the good guy, of course.  Most notably in slasher movies, your main character is usually bland and interchangeable if not downright obnoxious.  Don't worry though, Mexico has your remedy.  What if, instead of some pimply faced teen, you had a masked luchador staring down your maniacal killer?  This is the basis of Santo vs. The Daughter of Frankenstein.  

El Santo is maybe the most famous guy in Mexico ever.  Think like, George Clooney and Barack Obama, except with more high-flying offense.  In these Santo vs. movies he is sort of a Pro Wrestler by day Super Secret Agent by night.  And of course, lover of women.  Chances are if you're reading this blog, you probably know the story of Dr. Frankenstein.  Well, his daughter does too and she sticks with it for the most part.  She has an army of red-sweater-ed henchmen who drag dead bodies into her underground lair to stitch together a monster.  Also, everybody is hundreds of years old.  Yeah, in addition to wanting to create new life in untraditional ways, she also wants to live forever.  So, she distributes this serum to all her centuries-old minions in exchange for their loyalty.  This is a lady with a lot going on!  And honestly, who wouldn't want to live forever in an underground lair with a maniacal woman who forces her bidding upon you?

In the meantime, we see Santo having a 2/3 falls match for the number one contendership for the World Middleweight title.  Now, ladies and gentlemen, we're in the middle of a semi-horror movie.  How long would you say we should show footage from this match?  Maybe one or two minutes?  How about 15?  It's possible it just felt like that.  Such is the magic of Santo.  His girlfriend is pretty excited anyway, and is certainly in no danger whatsoever. 

Dr. Frankenstein is no thousand year old fool, she knows you can't just do crazy headscissors and not have super blood.  She tested some blood from Santo she got at a wrestling match and it turns out he's got some serious diesel coursing through his veins.  Enough to make her life-extending serum potent possibly forever.  Luckily, apparently underground in their lair the girlfriend of Santo and her whereabouts are pretty common knowledge.    The red shirt brigade kidnap her with little trouble and leave a note for the Saint.

 

Santa never got his letter.

Santo and his girlfriend's Mom find the note and Santo agrees that taking an old woman on a kidnapping rescue seems like an ok idea.  Meanwhile, Dr. Frankenstein is dishing out life-serum to some new recruits.  We get to enjoy a montage of pained old Mexican men!  If you care much for the acting process this is a good scene to watch, since this is where it dies.  Soon after, we get our first victim as she refuses to give the serum to some guy for leaving his dishes in the sink or something.  

Of course, this wouldn't be a Frankenstein movie if there wasn't a monster.  This one is apparently a human with ape blood, that old classic.  He breaks his bonds so he can wander this luxurious palace, making sure to recoil in terror at a torch in the hall.  He decides to break down the door that holds Santo's girlfriend captive.  She escapes while a red shirt holds the monster at bay with the torch.  Meanwhile, Santo is hitting on her mom in the woods.

The Doctor and her pals give chase,  Santo is waiting on a tree stump which he promptly leaps onto them from.  Santo beats up around 12 men before finally the Doctor turns a gun on his girlfriend, forcing his capture.  Once he's set up in chains, the doc wants to test out her new toy.  That means, Frankenstein Fight!  In the end, Santo beats him to death with his own shackles!  A metaphor for life, we all have to beat Frankenstein's monster, in spite of the bonds that leave us shackled daily...or something.  The doctor says "Screw it" and hypnotizes Santo's girlfriend to gouge out his eyes.  Why not?

They send her into a room where Santo is tied down and the guards wisely step outside and shut the door behind them.  Moments later, Santo breaks in to the laboratory where the Doc is at work and we get a second Frankenstein Fight!  Two in 10 minutes?  This movie spoils me.  Anyway, Santo hits him with a chair to the face and they escape.

In what I would consider a smooth move, Santo decides to leave his girlfriend in a graveyard while he looks for help.  This graveyard, coincidentally, houses a false grave leading to Doc's lab.  The monster stealthily sneaks up on the girlfriend, no small feat considering that before this time he couldn't go a second without groaning.  Santo kicks Frankie backwards where he's impaled on a really sharp grave marker.  Santo sends his girlfriend and her mother off with a stranger as he goes back to put a stop to the Doctor.

A flying crossbody off of a grave onto Frankenstein's Monster?  Yes please.

 When he goes back to the graveyard, Frankie is bleeding profusely but still alive.  Santo takes off his fine cashmere shirt and wraps his wound.  What a gentlemen.  Santo falls victim to some booby-trapped corpses that spout gas from their eyes.  That old trick!  Anyway, the injured monster returns to make the save!  So we've been swerved and now we've got a Santo/Monster tag team!  

...also, I'm gonna need that back.  Dry-cleaned.

The stranger that Santo sent the girls off with promptly turns them over to the red shirt brigade.  Now Doc is ready to harvest their eyes for a new monster.  Tonight in the laboratory!  Santo/Monster vs. Doctor Frankenstein/Her assistant.  Santo handily dispatches the assistant, and the Monster locks on his deadly choke hold, but receives a vial of horrible burning acid to his face.   

He stumbles backwards and hits the self-destruct button for the lair and all I can think is that it's a shame this palatial suite will be gone forever.  Santo, nice guy that he is, yells for Frankie to follow him.  That's right, he yells for a monster brought to life from nothing who has a horrible wound where he was impaled on a stake and who just seconds ago had acid poured over his face, to follow.  Frankie is, unfortunately, too busy holding his burned face and assuredly now non-functional eyes to follow and he's killed in the explosion.

With no real segue, we go straight to the arena where Santo captures the Middleweight Title and they all live happily ever after, except for all the dead people.  In the end, it turns out that mankind is the real monster.  

Just kidding, it's this guy!